How We Learn to Question Our Own Joy
It can be surprisingly difficult to trust what brings you joy when someone else does not see its value. You may find yourself explaining a preference, downplaying an interest, or waiting for approval before allowing something to matter to you.
Looking more closely at those moments can help you hear your own voice. For me, that work brought me back to a memory of a dandelion.
The Flower I Wanted to Share
When I was four years old, I found the most beautiful flower. It was an early summer day, and a bright yellow dandelion caught my eye. Yellow was my mom’s favorite color, so I thought of her.
I carefully picked it and ran into the backyard, holding it out with all the pride a four-year-old could muster.
“Look what I picked for you, Mom!”
She looked at it and replied matter-of-factly, “It’s a weed.”
I remember the feeling more than the words. My excitement faded, and my shoulders dropped. I asked whether it was still beautiful. She did not take the flower, and I dropped it on the ground.
The meaning I took from that moment stayed with me. I began to question whether my excitement was misplaced or whether what I had offered was good enough.
Years later, I could look back at that little girl with compassion. She had noticed something beautiful and wanted to share it with someone she loved. Finding beauty in ordinary moments is still one of my gifts.
Now, when one of my children hands me a dandelion or another little treasure, I receive it with the excitement they bring. We put it in a small container of water on the windowsill. Every time I pass it, I smile.
What I Learned About Valuing My Own Experience
This memory helped me recognize how readily I could look outside myself for validation. I had allowed another person’s response to carry more weight than my own experience of delight.
I can appreciate that people see things differently and still trust what I notice. Something can be meaningful to me even when someone else would not choose it.
Returning to that memory also gave me a chance to reconsider the meaning I had made from it. I could offer my younger self a kinder understanding and bring that understanding into my choices now.
When Approval Becomes Part of Every Preference
You might recognize this pattern in an interest you rarely mention, a dream you dismiss before sharing it, or a choice you keep explaining until someone agrees. Over time, it can become difficult to know what you want without first considering what others will think.
You can begin with what you notice today: whose response you are waiting for, what you are afraid it might mean, and how much room you are giving your own experience.
Your preferences can inform your choices alongside your responsibilities and relationships. Listening to yourself helps you understand what a more fulfilling life would actually include.
A Small Practice for Listening to Your Own Joy
Choose one ordinary preference to explore this week:
1. Notice something you enjoy. It might be a walk, a creative activity, a color, or a quiet moment. Name what you appreciate about it.
2. Check for the need for approval. Ask whether you are waiting for someone else to make this preference feel acceptable.
3. Give it a little room. Make a small choice that honors the preference within your present circumstances.
4. Reflect on the experience. Notice whether it helped you feel more connected to yourself, even if nobody else commented on it.
Reflection Questions
What brings you joy that you tend to dismiss or explain away?
Whose approval feels important before you let that preference matter?
What would change if you treated your own experience with more curiosity?
What is one small way to make room for something you value?
For a deeper look at your relationship with yourself, take the Free Roots Assessment to explore where you feel grounded and where you’d like to grow.
Related Reading
If the need for approval also leads you to hide parts of yourself, read Learning to Accept the Parts of Yourself You Hide for another perspective on showing up with more self-compassion.
Make Space for What Matters to You
Through Roots of Authenticity™, we explore the beliefs shaping your choices and reconnect with your values. Authentic Awareness helps you notice whose expectations you are carrying, and Purposeful Alignment helps you make room for what matters to you.
If you would like support listening to your own voice and building a life that reflects it, begin with a brief coaching application. We can explore whether working together feels like the right next step.
